I don't talk about this a lot, but I love romance. Fantasy is my favorite genre to read - but fantasy with a strong angst-ridden romance? My absolute weakness. So, why I am talking about this in relation to The Fault in Our Stars? Let me explain briefly. When this book shot up in the popular charts, many who talked about it focused on the tragic love story of Hazel and Augustus. The sob-inducing, Kleenex-clutching heartbreak of their relationship and its trajectory. Now don't get me wrong - I love Hazel and Augustus's romantic relationship. But what I noticed people didn't talk about as much was the very aspect that made this book one of my favorite books of all time: it's portrayal of illness. How disease affects both your own perception, and the way you're perceived by those around you.
I had a brain tumor when I was 17 years-old, which was accompanied by seizures and staph infections, and I have struggled with severe eczema my whole life. (I've fortunately never had to deal with anything as bad as cancer!) The way John discusses illness in this book gutted me the first time I read it. He was voicing the thoughts and feelings I'd had swirling around my brain my entire life. Things the healthy people around me couldn't always understand.
"Physical illness repulses."
"There is no glory in illness. There is no meaning to it."
"I wanted to not be a malevolent force in the lives of people I loved."
"The physical evidence of disease separates you from other people."
People often talk about physical health and mental health separately, but I think the two chase each other in a vicious circle. Dealing with a chronic illness changes your perception of yourself, and can leave you with long-lasting insecurities about your appearance and your inherent worth as a person, because you cannot do certain things that other people do or look the way that other people look.
Gus's commentary on how you never see people dying heroically of illness in museums, and Hazel's casual references to hospital talk (rating your pain on a scale of 1-10), made me feel so seen. And as much as I love their love story, the reason The Fault in Our Stars shattered my heart is due to how well John understands and portrays the thoughts and feelings of someone dealing with serious illness. I could probably write an entire thesis on this topic...but hopefully this post/discussion made some sense!
